Before we start, I want you to keep in mind there are some guys who are just jerks. I mean, it is what it is, and it has nothing to do with you. All you can do is block his number and say, “Thank you Jesus for saving me from that joker,” and move on with your life. He doesn’t matter because he was a heartbreak waiting to happen.
But for the good guys, the quality guys— they are out there.
Hi, I’m Stacey Speller! As a relationship coach for so many career-oriented women like you, I see this often. I’m seeing that you’re not quite sure how to navigate what I call balanced vulnerability.
What does that look like?
You may be that woman who word vomits within the first 20 minutes of a conversation.
He knows all about your ex. You tell him all about your heartbreak.
You’ve spilled all about what you will not tolerate and he knows about your healing journey
He literally knows every problem, challenge, or issue you’ve ever had all within 20 minutes of getting to know you.
On the flip side, you show up with complete walls around you. Anything he says you’re thinking, “Okay. My ex asked me that exact same thing and I’m not answering that.”
You get all suspicious and guarded, your walls are up big time. But here’s the thing…
Neither of those approaches works.
You need to have balance when it comes to vulnerability when it comes to sharing and opening up.
So, what does that look like for you?
Well, here’s what you need to ask yourself, To find out if you’re doing too much then consider this:
Think about the guy you talked to today and if he were to record your conversation and then broadcast it on CNN, would you be publicly humiliated by what was said?
If the answer is yes, you’re probably sharing too much.
The flip side is if you can spend an hour. and he really doesn’t even know anything about you, even basic information like your favorite hobby, then you’re probably on the other extreme where you’re too guarded.
Your walls can be keeping the good guys away.
I also need you to learn that vulnerability cannot be microwaved. It has to grow over time. As more trust builds you share more. Instead of thinking about microwaving vulnerability, I want you to think about it like a crockpot, a slow cooker. Where you gradually become more and more vulnerable based on his ability to reciprocate and appreciate it.
What that allows you to do is show up as you’re getting to know someone with a more casual exploratory approach and be more relaxed.
I talked about that in my How To Avoid Getting Ghosted video which you can check out here.
I was there so I know EXACTLY what that feels like— where you crave that relationship, you’re tired of dating, you want a partner, and you’re ready to find your forever guy.
But the problem is you’re not able to be casual, exploratory, and relaxed. And yet that’s the very thing you need to be able to do to find true love. I want you to be able to do that.
That’s why you have to find that balance and keep the mindset that no matter what, your vulnerability and the getting-to-know-him process cannot be microwaved.
It happens over time.
Still need some help?
Now if you’re thinking, ”Stacey, I don’t know what’s going on. I have no idea what I’m doing that is keeping me from finding true love. I think I’m being vulnerable when I’m not and then the guy says I’m intimidating.”
Or maybe you’re oversharing and coming across too intense and you get ghosted.
No worries, I have something for you!
I do an assessment, a life-changing one at that. I’ve had women who are like, “Oh my goodness. I had no idea how I was coming across to my potential partners.”
It takes about 45 minutes for you to do the assessment and once it’s complete, then you and I get on a 1:1 Zoom video call for about an hour to figure out what you’re doing well, and what things you can tweak.
I’m going to tell you EXACTLY:
How are you being perceived?
What are your relationship blind spots?
Those things about yourself that you don’t even realize but they could be the very thing keeping you from finding love.
For example, have you ever received feedback and wondered what in the world they’re talking about and what are you supposed to do about it? And you can’t even begin to wonder how they could assume that about you.
That’s a blindspot!
And no worries, we all have them, so no shame or judgment here!
If you’re ready to find true love and get serious with what’s keeping you from having it then this assessment is for you.