Your Soft ‘ASK” Could Be Holding You Back

One of the things that drive me nuts is when I encounter professional women that have a really soft ask.


I’ve learned from experience that when your “ask” is weak, it impacts your ability to reach your potential by putting self-imposed limitations on your forward progress. I mean, how are you going to live out the desires of your heart, if you don’t have the courage to speak up? As my dad always told me growing up, “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed”.


I just had a really good example of one of the weakest “asks”. I’ve seen while socializing after a speaking event. A very educated and put-together woman in her mid-40s was standing chatting with me. Her male boss comes up and joins the conversation. She tells him something very profound about their specific industry and he is obviously impressed. He tells her that he really likes her idea and would like to know some of her other ideas/goals within the company and how he can help. And this woman just gives a very timid, “okay”. That’s it, just okay.


The voice in my head was screaming, girl the decision-maker of the company says he wants to know your ideas and goals, set up a meeting, tell him what you want. To me, it was like being in a jewelry store and hubby pulls out a blank check and says get what you want. You have to be willing to go for it! Yet, this very capable and qualified woman couldn’t get her to ask firm enough to speak up. I realized just how real this struggle is–how many women have bought the lie that asking, somehow makes you weak when in fact, it positions you for better? I am fortunate to have a very strong “ASK” and I would like to share them with you.




1. Do Things That Boost Your Confidence.

One of the main factors in a soft “ask” is a lack of self-confidence. You find yourself in a perpetual deficit mentality always thinking that somehow you’re not good enough, not qualified enough, or just flat out don’t deserve what you want. The more you develop yourself and commit to your growth, the better your confidence factor becomes.


2. Summon Your Inner Courage.

There are times when you feel intimidated or nervous, but you just have to take a deep breath and go for it. I always like to think of the outcome I desire and that fuels my boldness; my ability to get over how I feel and ask for what I want or need. The best news about using your inner courage is that the more you do it, the more you practice, the easier it will become.


3. Don’t accept “NO”, just ask a different question.

I have never met someone who has accomplished their goals that didn’t experience a no at some point in their journey. But you can not treat a “no” as fatal, you have to be willing to just ask a different question; to take a different approach. Be bold enough to follow up and find out how you can shift a no by inquiring what needs to happen in order to accomplish what you want.


It would be easy for you to read this email and then hit delete, but is that going to get you the life you really want? The uncomfortable truth of the matter is that the main reason you don’t have what you want is that you don’t ask for it. Professionally it could be more money, a higher level in the company, or personally, it could be to ask your hubby to kick in his share of the chores. Whatever it is, it’s time to firm up your ASK.


Do you find yourself holding back, not speaking up but wishing you had a different outcome? Leave me a comment/ question and let me know your challenges or successes with firming up your ASK.

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